


operation: hitch job

by meingottlieb



Series: gay birds (and meddling kids) [2]
Category: DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Established Relationship, Found Family, M/M, Mild Peril, PURE. ANNIHILATING. FLUFF., and all ducks within are lgbtqa+ and no i don't take criticism, drakepad, launchpad more like launchDAD, post-Let's Get Dangerous, starring a malevolent surprise guest!, this fic is a himbo safe space, with action :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27145591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meingottlieb/pseuds/meingottlieb
Summary: Launchpad looked stricken. “Oh no. Can the fun-loving uncle marry the handsome single dad? Is that even legal in this country? Oh,no,does this mean me and Drake can’t get married?!”The boys turned in unison to stare, speechless. Webby muffled a shriek of total joy."Launchpad,” Huey whispered. “Are you—are you and Drake getting married?”LP’s eyes glittered in the rearview mirror. “Not if our love is forbidden,” he choked out, devastated.
Relationships: Darkwing Duck | Drake Mallard/Launchpad McQuack, Drake Mallard & Gosalyn Mallard & Launchpad McQuack, Drake Mallard/Launchpad McQuack, Lena (Disney: DuckTales)/Webby Vanderquack (mentioned)
Series: gay birds (and meddling kids) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981481
Comments: 45
Kudos: 290





	operation: hitch job

**Author's Note:**

> i watched let's get dangerous today and wrote this all in one go. i have no regrets. god bless.

**operation: hitch job**

Two weeks after they got sucked in and chucked out of an alternate dimension in St. Canard, Dewey came up with a new operation.

“Look, I love Launchpad, but I think he and Darkwing Duck are in over their heads.”

Louie snorted from the couch. “Oh, _totally._ ”

Huey anxiously massaged his cheeks. “Do you think St. Canard is normal now? I mean, Drake definitely needed Gizmoduck's help—”

"Drake?” Dewey echoed loudly, off-key chuckles spilling out of his beak, “Wh—who—I’m talking about _Darkwing,_ not some unrelated person named _Drake—”_

“Dude. You’re the worst liar of all time.”

“No, I’m not!” he protested, and Louie and Huey both rolled their eyes.

“Tied with Launchpad.” Dewey gaped in offense, lifting a finger, and Louie made a ‘moving on’ gesture with his hands.

“Look,” Dewey said, hands on his hips. “Darkwing Duck’s secret, entrusted identity notwithstanding, I think he and Launchpad are gonna need some help.”

“What do you mean?” Huey looked up from his latest journal entry, a potential Nobel-winning testimonial on the experience of trans-dimensional travel. “I get wanting to do an investigation back when we didn’t really know Darkwing that well and wanted to vet him for Launchpad, but it seems like he’s pretty cool. A hero and all. LP seems really happy—as his boyfriend, and as a gigantic fanboy.”

“Pot about kettle,” Louie muttered, in a storm of pointed coughing, and Huey shot him a poisonous glare.

“But what about Gosalyn?” Dewey demanded. “She could be in danger! I love DW and LP, but I don’t know if they’re really, you know—” Dewey cupped his hand over his mouth to whisper. “ _Dad material._ ” 

“Why are you whispering?” Huey whispered back.

“Grown-ups always whisper when talking about serious adult things,” Dewey reasoned defensively. “You know! _“Commitment.” “Digestion problems.” “That time of the month.”_ Dewey’s face wrinkled. “Whatever that last one means.”

Huey opened his mouth and Louie cut across him, shaking his head. “Don’t, dude. You’ll break him.”

Huey heaved a sigh and turned in his chair. “Dewey, they seemed okay when we left. You saw the hugging. Launchpad cried! Actually, I think you did too!"

"Proof or it didn't happen."

Wordlessly, Louie lifted his phone to show a picture of LP and Dewey weeping in each other's arms, with Drake and Goss hugging in the background.

"Totally photoshopped."

Huey looked contemplative before a small smile broke apart on his face. "Hey. Are you sure you don’t wanna start an operation just to spend more time with that Gosayln girl?”

Dewey went beet red. “ _What?”_ he cried, and Louie _ooh’d_ from the background.

"I told you guys before,” Dewey hissed. “I’m too threatened by crushes to pursue them.”

"That’s an admission if I ever heard one,” Louie said. Huey nodded sagely and Dewey looked murderous.

“She’d probably kick your butt. Jeez, she’s probably gonna kick all of St. Canard’s butts. Which is why she, Darkwing, and LP are gonna be fine.”

“Did someone mention _butt kicking?”_ Webby cartwheeled into the room, finger-guns blazing. “Where do you want me?”

“Stalking Dewey’s newest crush,” Louie reported.

“LOUIE!”

Webby’s mouth fell open, before slow, dawning joy spread across her face. “Oh my gosh, you like somebody?” she squealed. “He or she? They? _Who?!_ ”

“No one!” Dewey howled, as Huey volunteered, “Her name’s Gosalyn! We met her in St. Canard! And I think Darkwing and LP kinda adopted her?”

“Launchpad?” Webby repeated, disbelieving. “Launchpad _adopted_ somebody?”

"Okay, now maybe I see the concern you're talking about,” Huey said to himself.

"So you met a cool crush-worthy girl on your St. Canard supervillain adventure and didn’t even tell me?” Webby demanded. A prodigious scowl crossed her face. “Can’t believe I missed out on all the fun.”

Louie swung up from the couch, sipping loudly on a can of Pep. “Fun. Mind-numbing terror. Same difference, I guess.”

“More like mind-blowing _awesome!”_

“ _Butt kicking?”_ Webby insisted, voice shrill. “ _Cool girl?”_

“What do you care?" Dewey snapped. “You already have a cool girlfriend!”

“ _Want. To Meet. Cool. Girl,_ ” Webby hissed, seizing him by the collar and jerking his head around. “Never enough. _Cool girl.”_

"What is our _plan_ here?” Huey asked. “Just…spy on them all the way in St. Canard? To see they’re doing…okay? What’s the point in that?”

“Just in case they need some intrepid adventurers to help save the day!” Dewey entreated. “And make sure they’re…functioning okay? As an adventure family?”

“Awww,” Webby cooed. “Another adventure family in the making. Guys, the magic is spreading!”

"So you want to stalk them,” Huey said dryly. “To monitor their…mental health.”

“And physical! There’s a lot of butt-kicking! We can help if there’s too much!” Webby karate-chopped her enthusiasm with a whispered _hi-yah._ “And we can offer…advice. Family advice. So LP and Darkwing can be good dads.”

"What do you know about being a good dad?”

“Not _me,"_ Dewey said. “But I know who does!”

Louie held up a hand. “I’m gonna stop you right there. Uncle Donald is _not_ gonna be cool with us stalking Launchpad and Darkwing in St. Canard.”

Dewey winced. “Yeah…he was pretty mad when he heard about the dimension sucking thing.” His brothers cringed accordingly, remembering the ear-shredding fit Donald had when they got home and found out they, Uncle Scrooge, and LP had nearly died. They were grounded from leaving the house without him for two months.

“Besides, how do we even get to St. Canard? We can’t drive!”

"Guys,” Webby said. “This is Launchpad. You can put the method of spying and the target of the operation together!” She hesitated. “Um. But it might be dangerous.” 

"What do you mean?"

* * *

“Okay, I get it now. Mayyybe we should have gotten a Zoober,” Huey said, staring horrified out the window as Launchpad drifted around the corner and grinded the back wheel against the curb.

“Wow, guys! I’m haven’t had a sleepover since I was in elementary school!” Launchpad’s smile was bright enough to the power the city as they crossed the Audobon Bridge into St. Canard. “I can’t believe Donald agreed to let you come! After all the screaming, I thought you guys were under house arrest until college!”

The kids forced matching smiles. “Yeah, it’s gonna be great!” Dewey said, enthusiasm cracking. “Uncle Donald totally trusts you with our safety!”

Launchpad visibly melted, eyes sparkling. “He does? Awww, Donald’s such a good friend. I won’t let him down!”

“Sure your boy—“ Dewey coughed, as if choking on the word, and finished hoarsely, “Your boyfriend doesn’t mind us staying over in your guys’s apartment?”

“Of course! Drake is cool, you know that! And I think Goss is gonna enjoy hanging out with you guys!”

“Yeah?” Dewey pursued, blinking. He stood on the car-seat, seatbelt straining. “Did she say that? Did she mention me?”

"Uhhh….”

“I’m _begging_ you to let LP look at the road, dude,” Louie said from the back. Dewey slowly released his deathgrip on Launchpad’s jacket collar, sitting down with a rose-red blush, and Webby and Huey giggled from the back.

"Should we get pizza? Italian? Cook from home?” Launchpad wiggled with palpable excitement. “We gotta rent some movies. I’ve been trying to get Goss to watch the first season of Darkwing Duck in HD, but maybe if I rent the 4K restoration she might be interested!”

"How is your very cool kinda-adopted daughter doing?” Webby inquired, eyes bright.

"Goss is grea—” A sudden blush flickered across Launchpad’s cheeks. “Uh. Did you say daughter?”

"Well….you and Drake look after her, right?” Huey asked. “And you all live together? That’s kinda like a daughter!”

Launchpad looked dumbstruck. “I—uh. You think so? But she didn’t come out of me!” Sudden panic seized his features as all of the kids exchanged helpless glances. “I don’t have the figure to be a mom! My pecs are too big!”

"Moms can have pecs!” Webby insisted. “Moms with pecs are _good!_ Grammy has huge pecs!”

"But I already claimed the title of Uncle!” Launchpad cried. “I bring snacks! I bless me bagpipes!” 

"Launchpad, calm down! You can be an uncle, it’s fine!”

Launchpad looked stricken. “Oh no. Can the fun-loving uncle marry the handsome single dad? Is that even legal in this country? Oh, _no,_ does this mean me and Drake can’t get married?!”

The boys turned in unison to stare, speechless. Webby muffled a shriek of total joy.

"Launchpad,” Huey whispered. “Are you—are you and Drake getting married?”

LP’s eyes glittered in the rearview mirror. “Not if our love is forbidden,” he choked out, devastated.

“Launchpad!” Louie cried. “You and Drake can get married, it’s not illegal! You can both be adopted dads!”

Launchpad went liquid at the wheel, and the kids screamed as they swerved in front of a school bus. Dewey reached for the wheel and heaved them into the right lane.

"By the power of Doveskull,” LP breathed, clutching his chest. “That’s a relief. I’ve been planning the ring-giving thingy for a whole month!”

"You’ve planned a _proposal?”_ Webby squeaked, incandescent with delight.

"How many steps?” Huey demanded. “Location? Script? Did you buy the ring yet? Is it gonna be themed?” Launchpad opened his mouth to reply, but Louie interrupted.

“Before this gets more sappy that I can take,” he said. “You guys can adopt Goss a lot easier once you seal the deal, right?” He looked meaningfully at Dewey. “That’s nice, LP. Very responsible. _Stable_ , even.”

"Louie, your support means more to me than I can put into words,” LP said solemnly. “I would offer you best man but Dewey already has the role as my best friend. Would you accept DJ of Honor?”

"I could bear the responsibility,” Louie replied soberly. “For an hourly fee.”

“Done.”

"You’d let _him_ be the DJ?” Dewey asked, outraged. “But we have shared playlists! Louie’s music is all electro-funk! I bring the _rock!_ ”

“I’m sorry, Dewey! You can be whatever you want, buddy!”

“If you don’t wanna be best man, I will!” Webby enthused. “I’ve always wanted to be part of a wedding party!” She clapped her hands to her cheeks. “I can wear a pretty tux! With sequins!”

“The ceremony and dress code will be gender-neutral,” LP agreed, nodding. “I think Drake would like purple and black for our wedding colors. Dash of blue for variety.”

"Gee, there’s a surprise.”

“I like purple," LP said dreamily. “Maybe we can get some of those fancy folded napkins in that color…mmm...swanky...”

“Oh boy,” Louie muttered.

“So when are you gonna propose? Soon?”

Launchpad’s fingers nervously drummed the wheel. “Uhhh. I was thinking maybe…eventually?” He deflated, massive shoulders slumping. “The timing’s never been right. I was pretty sure I wanted to marry him after our first date and he said he liked my collectible Darkwing trading cards.”

Webby waved air into her face. “Ohhh,” she said quaveringly, eyes brimming. “That’s…so…” She sniffed, reaching into Huey’s bag for a tissue to blow loudly. “I can’t take it.”

“And then we moved in together a few months ago and it’s been really great but it seemed too early…then we all nearly died when the Moon invaded and stuff…and then we took Goss in and I dunno…I don’t wanna…” LP’s face flickered with rare doubt. “I don’t wanna rush anything with Drake. Or make Goss feel weird. She lost her grandfather and she’s still dealing with it and…I don’t want her to feel like she has to join a new one so soon. Even if she’s family to us already.”

"That’s…incredibly considerate of you, Launchpad,” Huey said, surprised, and shrugged speakingly at Dewey.

Dewey looked torn for a moment, before leaning over into the limo's backseat to whisper. “Guys…I think we need to alter our mission parameters.”

Webby’s eyes went starry. “Operation: Let’s Get These Crazy Kids Together?” she asked, voice wobbly with emotion.

"I'm on board."

"Way less creepy than stalking."

"Operation: Two-Ducks-and-a-Preteen is over,” Dewey said, nodding. “Operation: Hitch Job is now a go.”

The kids all shared hopeful smiles.

“Let’s. Get. Wholesome.”

* * *

“HI, I’M WEBBY!”

Gosalyn blinked rapidly. “Uh. Hi. I’m Goss. Sup?”

Webby squealed, sweeping the other duck into a hug that made Goss quack out loud. “Another cool girl! Soon we can form a crime-fighting adventure squad! Maybe even a _league!_ ”

“Uhhhh…”

"Hi Goss,” said Huey, waving. Louie lifted a peace sign. Dewey waved, a little frantically, and when she waved back his smile froze in a painful rictus.

“So…a slumber party, huh? This your guys’ idea, or LP’s?” Her eyes went half-lidded. “You know we’re gonna have to sit through all seven seasons of _Darkwing Duck_ tonight, right? If it wouldn’t break their hearts, I would seriously consider losing the box set in the garbage can. It’s so _cheesy."_ She shrugged. “But they are too, so I guess it fits.”

“It was our idea,” Webby exclaimed. “I wanted to meet you!” Goss blinked, a faint blush blooming in her brown cheeks, and Webby bent close to Gosalyn’s ear. “It’s also a secret mission!”

Goss’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” she asked, intrigued. “What kind?”

Webby released a subsonic _eeeeeee._ “We’re gonna help LP propose to Mr. Drake!”

Goss’s beak dropped open. “Are you _serious?_ ” she asked, a slow smile spreading across her face. “Oh, man. I knew he bought a ring, but I didn’t think he was ever gonna do it!” She smirked at LP across the living room of their downtown apartment, watching him frantically search the kitchen cabinets, presumably for snacks. “He left the ringbox on top of the washing machine once. Almost had a heart attack until he “found” it inside the bedside table. With help.” She leaned close, green eyes alight with mischief. “How we gonna do it? Distraction? Dinner reservations? Stage a crime so they can romantically stop the evil-doers in a nerdy boss battle?”

Huey was writing frantically in his journal. “All excellent ideas. I was thinking maybe a false dispatch call but maybe all five of us can actually fake a minor crime—only a misdemeanor of course, something that will be sealed in our juvenile records when we apply to college—”

“Guys, maybe we should ask _Launchpad_ what he wants to do?” Louie’s hands slipped out of his hoodie to point. “You know, since it’s his proposal and all?”

The kids swiveled to look at Launchpad, who was inexplicably putting whole slices of frozen pizza into the toaster. “Um…okay, maybe he needs some help with the organizational stuff.”

Huey fired his hand into his pack and brought out a fistful of ballpoint pens. “Let’s plan this thing,” he said reverently, and they all reached for a favorite color.

* * *

"Hey, Goss,” Drake greeted. He paused at the sight of five kids huddled around a window pane, surrounding by lit lamps, staring intently at a poster board which had been taped to the glass and covered in multi-colored, indecipherable scrawlings. "Assorted McDuck children."

“Hey, Drake!” Goss said, leaping upwards to jerk down the blind and conceal what they were doing with an alarming smile.

"Hi, Drake!"

"Howzit hangin', DW?"

"Uhh….” Drake narrowed his eyes, voice dropping to a mutter. “Ignore now and give you your privacy, or pay the consequences later?” He stared at the troop of children, who were all dancing on their feet and whistling, and inched away, squinting. “Too many of them…must retreat.”

“Hi, Drake!” LP called from the kitchen, beaming.

"Hi, LP.” He sniffed, waving his hand through the faint layer of smoke permeating the apartment with a cough. “What’s…uh…what’s cookin’, good lookin’?”

“Pizza,” said LP proudly. “I tried to get that perfect, oven-baked crispness and cut down time for it to be done when you got home from work. Almost finished!” LP shifted a foot across the counter, broad shoulders sliding in front of a smoking appliance. “But, uh, the toaster died in an unrelated incident.”

“...Right,” Drake said, blinking, before his face softened. “Cooking was sweet, LP. I see we got a lot of mouths to feed, though…maybe we can order backup pizza? So all the kids eat until they're full.”

"Good idea, babe,” LP said, bobbing his head and digging for his cell. “I’ll order five large cheeses. Crowd-pleaser.”

"Can you order one with dairy-free cheese?” Goss called.

"Already on it, chickadee,” LP said, tapping the phone book where it read in block, hand-printed letters _fake cheez 4 goss, real cheez evil!_ He leaned on the counter, cocking his head to hold the phone at his cheek. “How was your day, babe?” 

Drake sighed heavily. “Another day, another dollar. Managed not to kill myself on a trapeze stunt earlier.” He frowned. “Really gotta increase my insurance premiums. For work and uh…other reasons.” His eyes slid to Goss, and the kids all swiveled as one in the opposite direction to hide their calculating stares. 

“Hey, LP," Drake said, at a stage whisper. “Is it me, or were kids always this creepy in groups?”

“I’ve forgotten most of my childhood,” LP reported cheerfully. “Concussions are rough on early memories. But probably!”

“Sweetheart, I think we should make you an appointment with my GP.”

“What’s a GP?”

Across the room, Goss twirled her finger in a silent circle, and five feathered heads bent together.

“They’re so adorable,” Webby gushed, almost beside herself.

“Relationship goals,” Huey agreed. "They have the domestic thing on lock."

"It’s kinda gross, but I guess it’s cute in small doses,” Goss conceded, fondness in her eyes.

"I don’t get romance, but I support it,” Louie said. “Should we get this show on the road?”

“Let’s do it,” Dewey said eagerly. “We should have a codeword in case we need to abort. I was thinking _objection!”_

“That’s not very subtle,” Huey said, frowning. 

"But very easy to remember and weave into conversation!” Dewey countered.

Louie squinted. “Maybe for you, because you're obnoxious. We’re not in a courtroom drama, dude.”

"Not with that attitude. Besides, I'm _spontaneous_ , there's a charming difference!"

"Can we just get on with it?” Goss asked, and Dewey flushed and nodded. “Keen gear. We’re green for phase one.” They all shared determined nods, and broke ranks.

“Hey, Drake?” she said, lifting her voice. 

“Yeah?" Drake made a _hurgle_ sort of noise as LP kneaded a spot in his left deltoid.

“Me and the Ducks were watching the news earlier and we saw this report,” she said. She came closer, leaning over the counter to make meaningful eye contact with Drake and LP. “A _crime_ report. Some weird guys in hoods were spotted near the dockyard, people think someone’s gonna try to rob a warehouse! Sounds like a job for a certain…cape crusader and his sidekicks, right?”

Drake’s eyes widened. “Really?” he gasped. “Crawlers at the docks! That’s so cinematic, we should totally—” Drake’s face fell. “Wait. Obviously, we can’t. You kids are all visiting, and I’ve got a secret identity to keep here!” 

Goss withheld an eyeroll. “It’s totally fine! I don’t mind staying home and distracting them. We can just watch a movie or something.”

Drake blinked in surprise. “Wh—really? You…don’t wanna come?”

“I’ve been going out with you every night,” Goss hedged. “I want some kid time, you know?”

Drake looked torn. “I—are you sure?” He looked suddenly guilty. “I mean. Of course, obviously you should spend time with kids your own age. Geez, I gotta look into enrolling you in school in the fall." He winced, apologetic. "I know we’ve been spending a lot of time in the lair and on the streets, I didn’t even think—”

“Drake,” she interrupted, lifting her hands before he could work himself into an anxiety spiral. “It’s okay! I like being your partner!” She shifted awkwardly. “I mean, I never really got along much with people at school anyways. I liked helping Grandpa in the lab more than playdates.”

Drake put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Well, you’re a smart kid,” he said gently. “You tracked me by deducing the lair's location from a livestream and _saltwater.”_

Goss flushed. “Yeah, well,” she said, shrugging off his touch, and he dropped it with a small, knowing smile. “Anyways. We can hang out here. You and LP go knock some heads or whatever. I’ll wait up for you.”

"Okay,” Drake said, affection clear in his voice. “Well. Don’t sneak out and make me regret leaving and ignoring whatever you kids are clearly up to, deal?”

She smirked. “Deal,” she said, and shook his hand with one behind her back, fingers twisted.

* * *

"I’m starting to think this was a terrible idea,” said Huey.

“Don’t be a downer,” Dewey said, eyes glued to his binoculars. “LP and Drake had to go all the way to the lair, change, and drive here to beat us to the docks. There’s no way we missed them.”

“But it’s getting dark, and there’s no sign of them!”

“Shh,” Goss hissed. “Just stick to the plan! Louie and Webby run out their with hoods up and a couple of spray cans, throw a little paint on the walls to sell it, and when Drake throws down his smoke bomb and starts his speech, me, Dewey, and Huey run to LP and tell him to propose after we leave!”

“The candlelight dinner table is ready!” Webby said from below, thumbs enthusiastically up. Goss, Dewey, and Huey looked down to see Louie sitting on a box with his eyes glued to his cell, lounging nearby the immaculate date set-up they had arranged on the empty warehouse floor under a lone light, complete with one of the pizzas that had arrived, two cans of Diet Pep, and plates stolen from home.

“Hey, what if after all this, LP doesn’t even have the ring?” Huey asked, nerves eating away at his voice, and Goss shook her head.

"Thought of that already.” She retrieved a small velvet box from her pocket. “Fell out of his pocket when they left.”

"Nice save.”

“Guys!” Dewey whisper-shouted, thrashing his free arm in the air. “I think they’re coming!”

“Unless you know another purple duck-themed motorcycle with a sidecar,” Goss deadpanned, and in a sharp motion, drew down her arm to the waiting Webby below. The bow-haired duck saluted, face going serious as she drew up the hoodie she had borrowed from Gosalyn’s closet, and dragged a lazy Louie to his feet. Quickly, they scooped up a couple of cans and ran out the warehouse sliding doors, popping the caps off as they went with a clatter. Huey, Dewey, and Goss watched avidly out the glass window doors from above, staring with breaths caught as Louie and Webby began spraying the front wall and Drake and LP drew closer on the bike. 

“Halt, evil-doers!” Drake said, his voice flying imperiously across the empty docks. He threw out a leg, dragging the motorcycle into a spinning halt, and front-flipped onto the cement. “Or. Delinquents, I suppose. Criminals in training beware, graffiti is a crime and I am the nemesis of its every form!"

“What you gonna do to stop us, old man?” Louie fired back, waggling his paint can. “Report us for self-expression?”

“Big talk from a guy in purple pajamas!” Webby cried, voice ludicrously gruff beneath her hood. “Think you can catch us, long-beak?”

“Hey!” Drake cried, hands clapping over his beak. “That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!”

“Don’t listen, DW, it makes you look distinguished!” LP called.

"Thanks, generous sidekick!” Drake said over his shoulder, and turned back with fire in his eyes. “That’s it. You kids are going to the nearest precinct.”

“Oh yeah? Make us!” Quick as a flash, both of them dashed away into the dockyard, and DW flew after them.

“You’ll regret that!” he cried. “Come on, LP!”

"Coming, DW!” LP darted forward, only to pause at the sharp whistle near his right behind a row of shipping containers. “Whuh?”

“Hey!” Goss cried softly, peeking around the corner. “LP!”

“Goss?” LP echoed, confused. He came over quickly, visibly concerned. “What are you doing out here by yourself? It’s dangerous!” He found Dewey and Huey, and his frown grew more profound. “I thought you guys were having a movie night!”

"This is part of a plan, LP!” Dewey announced. “We wanted to help you propose to Drake!”

Launchpad gaped, face flooding with red. “I—what? You—I—Uh—”

“It’s all organized to the T!” Huey piped up. “Inside the warehouse there’s a candlelight dinner for you guys! We thought a crime scene with you guys on patrol would be a romantic setting!”

“Uhhh--”

“You got this, LP!” Goss whispered. She lifted her hand, revealing the ringbox.

“The box!” LP gasped, clapping his empty pockets. Wide-eyed, he carefully took it into his massive palm, staring down at it before returning Goss’s gaze.

“You’ve been leaving it all over the place,” she said gently. “I figured the sooner the better, before Drake finds it instead of me.”

“I—” LP’s eyes went glassy. “You’re okay with your me-uncle marrying your Drake-kinda-dad?”

A furious blush bit into Gosalyn’s cheeks. “Drake’s not my dad,” she said automatically, voice loud, before visibly wilting. “I mean. Not really. Or technically. He’s just an idiot. Who…looks after me. Feeds me and teaches me and tucks me in and stuff.”

LP looked skeptical. “Uh…Right.”

Goss exhaled gustily. “Look. Webby and Louie are gonna lead Drake back here any second. You two have my blessing, alright?”

“Really?” LP said, visibly touched. “It won’t be weird? I can still be your uncle?”

“You guys can’t be any more sappy than you already are,” Goss replied. She looked down at her sneakers. “And…yeah. You and Drake can both be my…kinda-uncle-dads.”

“Kiddo,” LP said, and the seriousness of his voice made all three ducks blink up at him. “Y’know, we don’t wanna replace your grandfather. We just want you to be happy. To have a home.”

Goss’s voice went hoarse. “Launchpad—”

“Drake and I talked to Mr. McDee about getting some paperwork done, so you can stay with us as long as you want,” he continued. “He can make legal stuff happen really fast when he wants to.”

“Infinite money helps with that,” Huey offered.

Goss’s eyes watered, glimmering tears at the edges of her eyelids. “You mean…you mean like…adopting me? Becoming my guardians?”

“Yeah.”

Goss looked disbelieving. “You—for real? Not just as a crime partner? You want me…officially?”

"And unofficially,” LP chirped. “About every way there is, I guess. You’re a super cool kid, Goss. And we wanna look after you.” He played awkwardly with the velvet box in his hands. “Uhh. If you want to. You know. S’cool if you don’t.”

"…I do,” Goss whispered. “Want to. I…yeah. I would—I think that’d be cool.”

"Cool,” LP said softly, smile tentative. Behind Goss, Dewey blew his nose loudly into a tissue, and Huey shushed him.

At the interruption, Goss blinked and looked around, and a gasp flew out of her mouth. "Oh man, here they come! Quick, into the warehouse!” She reached for LP’s hand. “Come on, you got a proposal to make.”

“Oh phooey,” LP breathed, as Goss tugged him along. “Okokok. 'Darkwing Duck, will you marry me.' 'DW, can I be your sidekick in matrimony.' Darkwing—Drakewing—Hhhh—”

“No, LP! _Don’t faint!”_ Dewey slapped desperately at his face as they directed LP into a chair.

“Duhhhh—me marry Drake? Darkwing husband me?”

"Oh man, does anybody have some cold water?”

"Slap him again!”

“They’re here!” Huey cried, and they whirled at the sight of Webby and Louie screaming into the warehouse, waving their arms.

“Get back here!” A howl split the air and Drake came barreling in, mad-eyed behind his mask, covered in dynamic streaks of spray paint. “You loathsome loiterers! This suit is expensive to repair, you know! Metallic paint bonds with the spandex! You—you—”

Drake trailed off, beak going slack. His eyes grew round as coins, taking in the sight of LP sweating at a table, bathed in candlelight, and the five expectant children with their arms out.

“Ta-da,” Goss said, with a nervous little laugh. “Surprise?”

“Goss?” Drake whispered.

“Hhhhugh-dinga,” LP attempted, vaguely Scandinavian and pale as death beneath his feathers. 

“You got this, buddy,” Dewey whispered, patting his arm.

“It’s a date!” Webby explained, throwing back her hood with a gleeful flourish. “We helped LP set it up! Sorry about the run-around, Mr. Drake!”

"LP?” Drake echoed, mystified. His eyes slid to the frozen LP, shoulders slumping. “You—you and the kids planned a surprise dinner? For our patrol?” 

“Oooh-yeppa,” LP garbled, with a trembling thumbs-up.

Tenderness swept across Drake’s masked features. “That’s….so thoughtful,” he said, hand on his chest. “I—Thank you, kids. For helping.” The gentle look on his face flickered as he looked down at his suit. “Could have done without the assault by paint, but whatever.”

“We’ll give you guys some privacy,” Goss chirped. She tipped her head, and the gang of children all hurried off towards the warehouse stairs, ascending to the bannister where reward dairy-free pizza awaited.

“Thanks, Goss,” Drake said quietly, eyes glimmering. He turned back to LP, smiling as he sat down on the make-shift barrel chair. “I can’t believe you guys did all this.”

“M-Me neither,” LP said, chuckling anxiously with a hand buried in his hair. “I—uh—totally unexpected, huh?”

“Yeah,” Drake said, agreeing. “Don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t think you could keep a secret like this for long! You really fooled me, with the false crime and everything…making crime-fighting part of the date was very…” Drake reached across the table for LP’s hand, voice warm. “It’s really great, LP. Perfect, really.”

“Cool,” LP whispered, squeezing the hand in his. “Awesome. Totally as planned.”

"Didn’t think it would work?” Drake asked, chuckling. “Yeah. Guess with our track record, it is kind of a surprise when everything goes right. I mean, usually on date night there’s a crime, or something in the kitchen breaks, or we’re broke, or something catches on fire—”

Like a bomb going off, the front doors flew open, and a deafening crack and flash of light made them both throw up their arms.

“Darkwing!” Goss gasped. The rest of the kids ran to the bannister edge in horror as black smoke began to bloomed in clouds across the floor, sweeping over the floor to obscure LP and Drake in darkness.

“What’s going on?” Louie cried.

"Dude, there wasn’t _actually_ a news report about criminals at the docks, was there?” Huey demanded, and Goss shook her head frantically.

“No! I mean, I don’t think so! I made it up!”

"Guys, look!” Webby pointed to a shape, moving through the darkness. The feathers on their arms all stood up as slow, rasping laughter permeated the night-black smoke.

“Darkwing Duck,” a voice said, low and terrible, and that awful laugh reverberated in the silence. “I knew you would track me down eventually…finally, you have fallen into my trap.”

Drake buried a cough, casting his cape through the darkness to clear away the smoke. “Who goes there?” he demanded. “Announce yourself and face me in the light, coward.”

“You know who…don’t claim ignorance, when it was you who followed me here yourself! You’ve been hunting me for months now…never coming close…” The voice weaved in and out of the darkness, spiriting through space like a malevolent shadow. “A pathetic effort. I’m glad to put you out of your misery. The real Darkwing Duck would never have been so… _sloppy."_

"The real Darkwing…” Drake whispered. His eyes went wide. “Oh, no.” His gaze flew upwards, and he locked eyes with the children watching horrified from above. _Stay there,_ he mouthed, pleading. Goss felt her stomach go cold.

“Listen, creepy-voice-in-the-darkness!” LP cried. “DW arrives exactly when he means to! Maybe it’s _you_ who fell into _his_ trap, how about that!”

“Oh…” the voice said softly, sinuous, and Drake tensed as he caught a shifting movement in the corner of his eye. “It’s you…Launchpad McQuack…”

LP’s raised fists wavered. “Wait. You know my name?”

“How could I forget?” the voice purred. “My biggest fan…”

LP’s jaw went slack. “Whoa,” he said, voice hushed. “Jim?”

“No. _Way,"_ Dewey whispered.

“LP,” Drake hissed from the corner of his mouth. “We’ve got to lead him out of here." He jerked his chin upwards, towards the kids. “ _Far away.”_

The smoke was beginning to dissipate, and LP and Drake drew together back to back in the flickering safety of the lone candlelight. The sound of something flying through the air made them flinch, and they ducked reflexively as the lone warehouse light above shattered, showering them with broken glass. 

“Yeah, okay, gotcha,” Launchpad whispered, lowering his raised arm. “Uh. How do we do that?”

“Make him mad,” Drake said grimly, shaking the fragments from his shoulders.

“Cool,” LP said, tinny. “We can probably do that.”

“What do you want, Jim?” Drake aimed for annoyance through nauseating fear. “You just interrupted a perfectly nice date, you know.”

"I want to _destr_ —” The voice cut off, its malignant tone hitting a speedbump. “Wait, what?”

LP and Drake slowly spun together in a tight circle, searching the dark room for Jim’s shadow. Above them, the kids tiptoed towards the breaker box on the other side of the warehouse.

"Seriously? A _date?_ It’s not enough you steal my mantle, my life, my _fame,_ but you have to date _my_ greatest fan? Can you acquire nothing of your own? Must you take and take exclusively what is _mine?”_

LP turned fluorescent pink. “Uhhh…”

Drake fought the slimy panic in his stomach and forced his face into a sneer. “What can I say? He upgraded to the newer model.”

“You spineless _lout."_ Jim’s voice knifed through the darkness, razor-edged and going sharper, thinner with escalating hate and disintegrating control. “Manipulative, weak _imposter._ You’ve stolen my life, made me a pariah…hunted me into the shadows—”

“No hunting,” Drake interrupted. “In fact, I totally forgot about you. Yep. You’re just not that important, you know, I’m a busy guy.” He narrowed his eyes, stilling at the flicker of a cape’s shadow fluttering out from behind tall boxes.

“Not _important?”_ The snarl echoed across the floor, boiling with rage. “I’ll show you who’ll be forgotten, in the end!”

In the total silence, there was the rip and grind of machine engine sputtering to life, a furious mechanical growl, and Drake felt his entire body freeze in horror.

"Holy woodchuck,” Huey croaked from the bannister. Around him, the kids had all become terrified statues. “Is that…a chainsaw?”

“LP?” Drake said shakily, as the silhouette of a rippling chainsaw arm lifted into view.

“Yeah?”

“I think it’s time to run now.”

“Yep.” 

At once, both of them sprinted towards the door, and didn’t look back at the roar of rage that followed them, along with the rising whine of a revving chainsaw.

“I seriously thought he was dead!” Drake gasped, as they dashed for the Duckcycle. “I mean, he blew up!”

“I think that might have made him crazier,” LP added, diving into the sidecar.

“You _think?”_ Drake whipped his head around as he saw Jim Starling, dressed in a tattered costume bleached yellow, screaming with rage and running towards them with murder in his eyes. He gave out a girlish shriek as he twisted his key in the ignition, and with a twist of the wrist sent them hurtling away.

“What do we do?” LP cried, as Drake spun into a wild arc. “How do we take him down?”

“The chainsaw does pose a bit of a problem!” Drake replied, eyeing the frothing actor with no small degree of complete, spandex-staining terror. “I think Goss left her arrows in the cab! We're gonna have to try some ranged attacks!”

Launchpad rummaged through the car and retrieved a small gatling gun. “Nope.” He tossed it out. Lifted a flare gun. “Nope.” A length of chain. “Nope.”

“LP!” Drake shrieked. “We could have used all of those!”

"Ohh, yeah, maybe,” Launchpad mused. 

“What _didn’t_ you throw out?!”

LP lifted a small cube. “Uh…this?”

"Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera,” Drake whispered fervently. “I could _kiss_ you. LP, press the middle square!”

Launchpad did, and startled as the cube erupted, two fine poles extending outwards and glowing electric purple. “Ooooh. Pretty.”

Drake twisted the brake and brought them screeching to a halt, reaching for the pole and hoisted it by his side. 

“Looks like we’re doing this old school,” he said, steeling himself as he leveed the pole forward towards the oncoming, feral Jim, pointing it like a jousting lance. Across the dockyard, the kids stood at the window with gaping horror.

“What do we do? What do we do?”

_“I don’t know!”_

Drake swallowed hard, and looked to LP. “You should probably get out, LP. If I screw this up, you gotta help the kids—”

“The kids will be okay,” Launchpad said, looking ahead as Jim rushed closer, machine weapon lifted and eyes burning with madness. “You’re stuck with me, partner.”

Drake swallowed the lump from his throat. “You and me,” he said thickly. He sucked in a tremulous breath, voice dropping to a mutter. “Can’t believe I’m doing this. Okay. Okay. Oh boy. We’re doing this.” 

_“MALLARD! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR CURTAIN CALL!"_

Steeling his shoulders, Drake clenched his jaw and bent forward over the rails. “Let’s. Get. _Medieval.”_

He gunned it. The wind screamed into their eyes, tearing tears down their cheeks.

“Hey, Drake?” LP’s voice raised to a shout over the roar of the engine.

“Yeah?”

“In case this goes really badly and we get impaled on chainsaw, I thought maybe I could tell you something?”

“Make it quick, LP!” he cried, voice a cry that splintered at its edges as Jim charged them at a full sprint, demon-eyed, undeterred by the motorcycle careening towards him.

“I didn’t plan tonight! That was all the kids!”

“Aww. LP, that’s okay—”

"I’m really bad at planning!”

" _Sweetheart—”_

“And I was really scared to go through with it in case it was too fast!”

Drake ripped his attention away from Jim for a fraction of a second. “What are you talking about?”

Launchpad desperately patted his pockets. “I can’t find the thingy, but…” He looked into Drake’s eyes. “I was gonna ask you if you wanted to marry me.”

Drake nearly slipped off the handrails. Cursing, he straightened the pole, gawking at Launchpad with his heart hammering in his chest. “You _wha_ —” Words strangled in his throat. “Oh my god, I need to focus so bad right now, oh my god. LP?”

LP’s voice shook. “Yeah, babe?”

_“Hold that thought.”_

He sucked in a breath, sent up a prayer, looked Jim Starling in the eye and braced for impact.

The pole met his mark. He was sent flying.

He landed on the ground with a sickening crunch in his shoulder that he’d definitely be feeling in the morning. And the rest of the month. He moaned, rolling over, and heard Goss shriek his name in the distance. The roar of the chainsaw sputtered in his ears, hiccupping as it shuddered on the cement out of Jim’s slack hand, and he yelped as several children suddenly threw themselves on his body all at once.

“That. Was—”

“THAT WAS SO _AMAZING!"_

“ _Horrifying.”_

“I’m scarred for life but at the same time, I’ve never felt so alive.”

“A chainsaw. _A freakin’ chainsaw.”_

“Is this _normal_ for you guys?”

“ _Definitely_ not,” Goss said, voice croaky in his ear, and as easy as breathing he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. “That was crazy. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Yeah, it got a little hair-raising for a second there,” Drake agreed, mild hysteria quivering in his voice. He groaned, leaning upwards. Pain rippled through his body like a stone thrown across a pond. “Ugh. If I’d known that wacko was here in St. Canard, there’s no _way_ I would have been taking you out of patrol.”

“Too late, no takesie-backsies,” Goss said, arms wrapped around his neck. “Besides, you took him down!”

“Barely,” Drake muttered. “LP? _Launchpad?”_

“Here!”

Drake looked up and grateful air gusted out of his lungs. LP was standing, unharmed, and poking the unconscious Jim with his foot. Drake stumbled to his feet as LP picked up the chainsaw, turned it off, and ripped the battery out. A second of frowning deliberation, and Launchpad turned and chucked it as hard as he could, sending it sailing into the bay. "There we go."

Then he spun on a heel and moved to wrap Drake in a massive bear hug. Drake melted into it despite the pain.

“You okay, babe?” Launchpad asked, voice heavy with concern. "You caught some air."

“Please,” he said, comfortably buried in LP’s muscular pectorals. “Like a simple fall could stop Darkwing Duck.”

“You knocked him out cold!” Dewey cheered triumphantly, firing a fist in the air. “ _Ka-pow!”_

“It was just like the heroes of Arthurian times!” Webby gushed, flapping her hands. “I never thought I’d get to see such historic combat in person!”

“Is it historic if one guy was on a motorcycle and the other had a chainsaw?”

“All modern enactments have their own quirks! It’s about the _warrior spirit."_

“Dude. I was so scared for a second I think I blacked out for half of it. Who _was_ that guy?”

“Jim Starling! The guy who used to play Darkwing Duck in the original TV show!”

“That crazy old dude is _Darkwing?”_

“Yeah! He went crazy and blew up the studio when Drake was filming the movie. Ruined my footage! Oh, and he tried to murder everyone. But the _real_ Darkwing Duck stopped him then, just like he stopped him now! By being the _coolest. Hero. Ever.”_

Drake blushed. “All in a day’s work,” he said proudly, puffing his chest. He deflated, however, eyeing Jim’s unconscious form and shuddering. “Yep. No big deal at all. Nothing therapy can’t fix, nope.” He heaved a sigh, looking downwards. “Anyways, kids, you should be going home. LP will call a Zoober for you while we hand Jim over to the authorities, okay?”

Louie lifted a hand. “I, for one, am totally ready to call it a night. Not that I’ll be sleeping, because nightmares about this will haunt me forever, but I want a couch at least.”

Huey slumped against his brother’s shoulder. “Hear, hear.”

Goss tipped back and forth on her heels, clearing her throat. “Uh. Sureeee. We can leave you guys alone.”

Drake suddenly remembered exactly what had nearly made him crash headfirst into Jim Starling. “Uh,” he croaked, face flushing. The pulse that had only just calmed in his chest rocketed back to an adrenaline-fueled samba beat.

LP rubbed his neck. “About that…”

Goss shook her head. “Oh, no. After all this, you _gotta_ ask him.” She lifted a hand, presenting a velvet box. Drake stared at it, thunderstruck. “You dropped it in the warehouse, by the way.”

Launchpad reached out with clumsy fingers, fumbling to take it. “Uh. Yeah. Thanks, Goss.” The kids were all staring at him expectantly, and he winced. “I…I kinda already asked?”

“ _What?”_

“And we didn’t see?!”

Launchpad shrugged. “Seemed like a good idea to ask in case we died,” he said. Mottled red spread beneath his cheeks. “Uh. Didn’t really expect an answer. I guess I just wanted him to know.”

“But you meant it?” Drake blurted, and Launchpad turned to him, confused.

“Yeah,” he said, frowning. "Of course I did." He thumbed the box in his hands. “I mean, I bought this last month.”

“You’ve been sitting on it a whole _month?"_

“I was nervous!” Launchpad cried, yanking on his hair. “I didn’t know what you would say! Or when was the right time! Or if _any_ time was the right time. Or if I was the right _me_ —”

Drake reached out, touching the side of LP’s face, and the torrent of worries stopped. “You’re the right you,” he said softly. “I've never met anybody who understands me the way you do. You're the sweetest person I've ever met and you're my partner." Drake's voice snapped. "And I can't imagine ever loving anybody else the way I love you, LP.”

LP’s fingers intertwined with his. “I love you too, Drake.”

“You sure you don’t just wanna marry the costume?” he cracked, voice weak.

“You _are_ Darkwing Duck,” Launchpad said simply. “I wanna marry _you.”_

Drake’s eyes filled with hot tears. “And what if I told you I ordered a custom Darkwing Duck collector’s ring last week and had it engraved with our names on it?”

Launchpad’s jaw dropped. “Darkwing Duck wants to marry me?” he echoed, like he’d been struck on the head with a mallet.

“ _I_ want to marry _you,_ LP.”

“Wow.” With his free hand, LP reached for his hip and pinched himself. “I’m awake and everything.”

Drake released a watery chuckle. “Yes, you are.” He sniffed. “And yes. I’ll marry you.”

Five children all sucked in air at his feet. Launchpad slowly reached into his pocket and brought out the small black box once more, and Drake took it with shaky hands. He opened and sucked in a broken, happy laugh. On the inner lid of the box, which contained a simple, perfect silver band with an amethyst buried in the center, read a tag that said _“100% Genuine Solid Titanium”._

“Titanium,” he whispered. “With an amethyst. Oh, LP.”

“Mr. McD helped me get a good deal,” Launchpad said. “We like purple and…I wanted something indestructible. Kinda like you.”

Drake lifted it out of the box and slowly slid it on his finger. It fit perfectly.

“I’m going to cry my eyes out in about two seconds,” he announced. “But first—”

He reached forward and dragged LP into a kiss. Launchpad took him by the hips and reeled him in close, and they forgot about Jim Starling, the kids, and anyone else in the world that might be watching.

Behind them, Dewey was valiantly pretending not to cry. "I'm fine," he croaked, "nobody look at me." Louie took out his phone and took a picture, smirking. Goss and Huey were awkwardly looking elsewhere, blushing furiously. Meanwhile, Webby was openly bawling.

“You _guys,”_ she wailed, tears trailing down her face. “So… _sweet._ Love is _beautiful."_ She sobbed into her hands, and Goss awkwardly patted her on the back.

“Sooo,” Dewey said, out of the corner of his mouth. “We aren’t telling Uncle Donald about any of this, are we?”

Louie snorted. “About a chainsaw wielding maniac trying to kill us? Dude. We’d never leave the house again.”

**Author's Note:**

> yes. i like dialogue and jokes. drake mallard is a gay-duck incarnation of John Mulaney, if John Mulaney was Batman. also yes, Launchpad is my favorite. Louie, as always, is the voice of reason, and Webby is an enormous lesbian. 
> 
> leave a comment if you liked it :)


End file.
